


Look Back

by elvish_sky



Series: LookBackVerse [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Children, End of Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Like why, Regret, Sadness, Scones are important, So much angst, Thorin Is an Idiot, Why do I do this, especially honey scones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29522718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvish_sky/pseuds/elvish_sky
Summary: Thorin doesn’t want to push back against the council when they say you cannot be married.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Reader, Thorin Oakenshield/Reader
Series: LookBackVerse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168853
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: A thousand thanks to @guardianofrivendell, who kinda kickstarted this entire fic with their great idea (everyone go check out their work, it’s incredible!). Quick note on character ages- after the five years later bit Sigrid is 20, Otto is 3, and Kieran of course is relative to your age. I honestly really enjoyed writing this, even the parts where it made me cry (a good emotional outlet. Send me more angsty requests!) so I really hope it’s what you wanted, Anon! 
> 
> Requested by Anon on Tumblr: Thanks for answering my ask about angst! No worries if it'll take a while, so long as you're healthy and not stressing out about it, I will wait cuz your writing is soo worth it)I was wondering if I could request an either thorin x reader(f!human) or kili x Reader(f!human) where the reader is dumped by them and she moves on (like ends up with an elf or another dwarf) and lives a happy life, and thorin or kili regrets having left them and tries to get them back but sees that they lost their One cuz of their mistake and regrets it? (Is that too angsty?? I'm so sorry if it is!)
> 
> Word Count: 4,576. The longest thing I’ve ever written is an angst fic. Huh. 
> 
> Pairings: Thorin x Reader, OC (I have those now. Huh.) x Reader
> 
> Warnings: Angst, Regret, End of Relationship, Sadness, Fluff

Look Back

“It is the will of the council that, since Y/N is not a dwarf, the two of you shall not be married, and cannot be together.”   
Your head jerked up. You had been expecting pushback, but not a flat-out refusal. Turning your head to look at Thorin, you saw him bow his head in defeat.  
“Very well. If it is the will of the council.”   
The words hit you in the chest like an arrow. You thought he would fight for you, but no. You weren’t worth it. You rose and left without another word, slipping between the doors as the council watched you go. Balin sighed from his seat midway down the stone table, shaking his head in disappointment at the whole room.   
Arriving at your rooms, the ones right next to Thorin’s that you had been so proud of, you started shoving your belongings into a sack, leaving anything that had been given to you by your former love out. You didn’t want any reminders of him, even to see him ever again.   
Sadly, your wish to not see him didn’t work, as shown very quickly. Barely three minutes after you had entered your rooms, he came bursting through the carved double doors.   
“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I can’t disobey the council.”  
You scoffed, grabbing your few tunics and folding them into the bag.   
He continued, “You can stay, we can ask again in a few months, give them more time to warm up to the idea.”  
“No. If I’m not worth fighting for now, how do I know I’ll be worth it then?”  
You were drawing the string closed on your meager bag of belongings. It was rather sad to think how little you actually owned, versus what had been gifted to you by your former betrothed.  
“I’m not going to risk my heart like this, Thorin. I can see that I never actually mattered.”  
“Y/N-”   
You cut him off.  
“You’ve broken promises before, but I never thought you’d break this one, Thorin Oakenshield.”   
You had been undoing your courting braid as you spoke, and now flung the bead at him. It fell into his hand, and you didn’t even spare a moment for the pain in his eyes as you slammed the door behind you, leaving a king with everything feeling as if he had just lost the one thing that really mattered.   
You arrived at the gates to Erebor to see something rather unexpected. The entire company was gathered there, and you stopped in front of them. They were all gazing at you with unshed tears in their eyes, and looking at them you couldn’t believe how far you all had come from that ragged company running for their lives. It made you sad to think about leaving, when the reminders of what you were giving up were all right there.  
“I’m sorry about the council, lass.” Balin was the first to speak. “I tried to sway them, but it just couldn’t be done. I’ll keep trying.”   
You mustered a small smile for the old dwarf. “Thank you, Balin, but you don’t have to keep beating a dead horse. We both know nothing will come of it.”   
Each member of the company stepped forward and said goodbye, hugging you before moving back to the group. Dwalin settled for briefly squeezing you, before stepping back with a muttered, “I’ll miss yeh, lass.” You saw him surreptitiously wipe a tear from his cheek, and giggled a little.  
Nori slipped a few coins into your pocket, as well as a set of lock picks. “You never know when they’ll come in handy.”   
Dori was crying as he pressed several bags of tea leaves into your hand. You sniffed them, recognizing the scent of your favorite kind.   
Ori was also teary as he quickly wrapped a knitted scarf around your neck. “It gets cold out there,” were his parting words before he retreated to stand next to Dori.  
You let out a small laugh as Gloin handed you an ax. “I already have my sword!”  
“Yes, lassie, but everyone knows axes are better.” There were gasps of outrage, but you were glad that the dwarf had lightened the mood, even just a little. Besides, the axe truly was gorgeous. A lovely specimen of dwarven craftsmanship, with a beautifully carved handle.   
“Is that a dragon?” Gloin nodded, and you marveled at the intricacies.   
Bifur approached next, pressing a carving into your hand. You looked at the figure. “That’s me!” He nodded, and you gazed at the detail he had worked in, even the etchings on your sword were visible in the wood.   
Bombur handed you a satchel, and you opened it. You gave the dwarf a big hug as you saw the honey-scones packing it to the brim. “My favorite.”   
“The recipe is in there too.” You couldn”t resist giving him a second hug of thanks.  
Bofur came forward after his brother. “I’d sing you something, but I’m not sure I can do it without crying.” You straightened his hat, which had been set askew by your hug, as he stepped back.   
Fili and Kili were last. Fili approached you slowly, but Kili shoved him out of the way and crashed into you. Burying his face in your coat, he whispered, “I really wanted to get to call you Auntie.”   
You choked back tears, wrapping your arms around him as his brother joined the hug.   
“You’ll write to us?” Fili looked as if he was trying not to cry as well, while Kili had given up and had tears visibly streaming down his cheeks.   
“I will.” You broke away with difficulty and gave the group one last look. “Thank you all, so much.” They nodded, and you turned and walked out of the gates, leaving your old love behind.   
Thorin watched from the ramparts high above as you left. He knew he had made the right choice for his kingdom, but it hurt. The expression on your face was slowly killing him, and he knew whatever his doubts had been that you had truly loved him. He had loved you too, but he thought he loved his kingdom more. Nevertheless, he found himself hoping that you would turn around, come back, even though he knew he would have to turn you away.   
You didn’t turn around.   
You didn’t even look back.  
*Five Years Later*  
You shouldered the door open, arms full of papers. “I’m home!”   
“Mama!” A small shape barreled into you and you barely managed to hold onto the papers, handing them to your husband before scooping the three-year-old up.  
“Otto! How was your day?” You pressed a kiss to Otto’s forehead before pecking Kieran on the cheek as you brushed by him into the sitting room. There was a fire going, smoke drifting up the chimney and you stood near it, warming hands chilled by the brisk fall air.   
“Good! Look what I made!” Otto wiggled out of your grasp and trotted over to the table, where after lots of jumping he finally managed to catch hold of something. He placed it in your lap, and you weren’t sure whether to be mad or touched. You settled for shooting a glare at Kieran before oohing and ahhing over the crudely carved figure.  
“It’s you, Mommy! Like the one on the table!”   
Examining it closer, you could see something that looked like a sword. It was nowhere near the skill of Bifur’s carving that you still treasured, but it was very sweet nonetheless.   
“Wonderful job, darling.”   
“Are we going to the market today?” Otto looked up at you with pleading eyes.  
“Why?” You shot a suspicious glance at Kieran, who assumed a very innocent expression.  
“Because Da said that if we went to the market and got ingredients you would make the honey scones!”  
“He did, did he?”   
Kieran looked guilty as you frowned at him.  
“Don’t worry. Let’s put our boots on and head out!”  
Otto jumped with excitement and ran to grab his boots.   
You crossed your arms and glared at your husband. “I cannot believe you let him use a knife.”  
“He’s three! He’s old enough. Besides, I was watching him the whole time.”  
“That doesn’t make it any better!” You threw your hands up in exasperation before kissing him.   
“But don’t worry, I still love you.”  
“I love you too.” Kieran drew you in for a deeper kiss, and you responded enthusiastically.  
“Let’s go!!” Your moment was interrupted by Otto, practically bouncing with excitement by the door. You laughed at him and wrapped your scarf, still holding up five years later, around your neck. Linking arms with Kieran, you giggled as Otto tugged on his hat from his perch on his father’s shoulders, and walked out the door.   
The streets of Dale were bustling, people going to the market, or the King’s house just down your street.   
Having been a hero of the Battle of the Five Armies, and one of two members of the company who had seen reason (the other being Bilbo, of course), you had a close friendship with King Bard. When you had marched into Dale after leaving Erebor, eyes still swollen with tears, he and his children had taken care of you, and it was because of him that you had met Kieran.   
Two months after leaving Erebor, you had been helping Bard train recruits for Dale’s army. Most of the men disliked being trained by a girl, but one had taken your advice and training exactly as he would a man’s. He had grown skilled, and after striking up a friendship had asked to court you. You had said yes, even though you weren’t over Thorin, but had quickly fallen head over heels in love. Kieran was perfect. He respected your fighting skills and didn’t mind your closeness to the king. He was sweet, kind, funny, and in his eyes every was perfect until proven otherwise. He always saw the best in people, never the worst. In other words, he was everything Thorin hadn’t been, and more.   
The two of you were married in a ceremony officiated by the King Bard six months after he had asked to court you, a year after leaving Erebor. Fili, Kili, and Balin had attended the ceremony, sneaking away from their royal duties for a day on the pretense of a diplomatic mission. You had kept your promise to write, and although the news of you finding someone else was hard for the two princes, they were happy your heart had started to heal. You had gotten pregnant two months later, news which was received with joy from everyone who heard. Upon reading your letter announcing the news that Fili decided to show him in the middle of a council meeting (later recognized as an extremely bad decision), Kili had let out a whoop of joy, looking guilty when everyone looked at him and promptly throwing the letter into the fire. You had laughed uproariously upon hearing this story from Fili the next time he made it to Dale.  
The day that Otto was born, your heart healed more. You still remembered the pain you had felt leaving Erebor, of feeling like you did not matter, but it was better now. You had been able to keep in touch with most of the company, all who had been to visit at some point after his birth. You didn’t know if Thorin knew you had moved on or had a child, but you were getting to the point where you could forgive him, just a little, for the past.   
Swinging your hand entwined with Kieran’s, you made your way through the market, stopping at all your favorite stalls to chat and pick out baking ingredients. Noticing Sigrid, Bard’s eldest daughter, picking up honey, you talked while inspecting the jars.   
“Da’s been taking half a jar to put in his tea, lately. I think he’s craving sugar.”  
“More than usual?”  
You laughed at Kieran’s comment. “Tell him we’re making honey scones tonight. I’ll bring some up later.”  
“He’ll appreciate that, although hopefully, Bain doesn’t eat them all first like he did last time!”   
“I wanna eat all the scones with Bain!” Otto was feeling left out from his perch.  
“I’m sure he’ll be pleased to have the company.” Sigrid giggled at him, passing a flower up to him before waving goodbye.  
“She’s a good kid.” Kieran looked after her fondly.  
“We’re not that much older than she is!” You pointed this out as you brushed flower petals out of his hair, Otto looking sad as his work was undone.   
“Now c’mon. We still need to buy more flour, especially if we’re making scones for Bard!”   
You set off again, laughing with your family as you wound through the market. You were in the middle of the artisanal section when a hush fell, the sea of people parting as something made its way through. You kept moving forward, pushing people aside to see what was happening, until you came face to face with Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain.  
“Y/N.” He was the first to acknowledge you, looking as if it pained him to do so.  
“Thorin.” There were gasps at your familiarity, but you didn’t care. You promptly turned around, grabbing your husband’s hand and dragging him, a silent Otto clinging to his shoulders, away.   
You didn’t look back this time, either.  
“You didn’t tell me she had a child!”   
Thorin was back in Erebor, pacing around his chambers as Balin watched. He had been unable to think properly after seeing you in the market, and Fili and Balin had decided that the best course of action, or at least the one least likely to cause a diplomatic incident, was to reschedule the meeting with Bard and bring him back to the Lonely Mountain.  
“You never asked.” Balin had resigned himself to having a hard conversation the minute he saw you in the market, he just didn’t know what exactly that conversation would be like. They had managed to keep the two of you apart for the last five years, but it was bound to happen sometime.  
“But...she has a child.” Thorin was devastated.   
He had found out that you had kept in touch with the company six months after you left, coming across Kili reading a letter from you in the library. The fact that Kili was in the library in the first place was suspicious enough, and his doubts had been confirmed when he snuck up behind his nephew and read the letter over his shoulder.   
His gasp of, “She’s courting someone,” had been loud enough to startle half the library. Kili had jumped and tried to hide the parchment, but Thorin had simply crashed down into the chair, head in his hands.   
After taking several deep breaths, all the king said was, “She’s moved on. I have to as well,” before rising and brushing himself off, as if to brush the memories of you away. He had seemed fine, but Fili had heard the muttering coming from his room that night, of loss and grief and mistakes.   
After that, they had been much better at hiding their correspondence. The brothers had only decided to tell him about your life one more time, a year after you left, saying you had been married. He had taken that news well, it seemed, but Kili had heard the broken sobs coming from the king’s chambers late that night.   
“She cannot be happy with that- that man!” Now, Thorin seemed to be taking this news hardest of all.  
“She is, lad. We’ve all seen her with them. They’re a family.” Balin was trying to calm him down, but it just wasn’t working.  
“But, she’d be happier here. With me!” He was pacing the room now, raking his hands through his hair in greater distress.  
“Thorin,” Balin grabbed him, stopping him so that the two were face to face, “you still love her.”   
The king staggered back, falling onto his bed. His head was in his hands again, almost mirroring how he had looked with Kili four years ago.   
“Lad?”  
“Leave.”   
The one word was whispered, quieter than Balin had ever heard his king. He left, closing the door and signaling to the guard outside that the king was not to be disturbed.  
The next morning, Thorin walked out of his rooms with an air of purpose about him. He was wearing an old cloak, to not be recognized as the king. Fili and Kili still managed to notice the distinct gait of their uncle and stopped him in the halls right near the gate.   
“Where are you going?” Kili looked concerned.  
“Balin was right last night. I am still in love with Y/N, so I’m going to bring her back.”   
The identical looks of shock on his nephew’s face would have been hilarious in other circumstances.  
“You’re still in love with Y/N?!”   
“Keep up, Kili!” Fili smacked his brother before continuing.   
“Uncle, I hate to say this, but remember how she looked at you yesterday? I don’t think she’ll be happy to see you.”   
Kili nodded at his brother’s words. “Besides, you’re the king. How are you going to convince the council when you failed five years ago?”   
Thorin looked a little surprised at that, as if he hadn’t quite thought that far ahead, but shook it off. “She will be happy to see me this time. I’m going to Dale.”  
“Uncle, no!” Kili tried to block his way, but Thorin shoved past him, disappearing quickly.  
“Follow him to Dale, I’ll tell Balin and the rest of the company.” Fili brushed his brother off and turned to go back to the royal wing as Kili disappeared after their uncle.   
You were making your way through the twisting streets of Dale, delivering scones to friends as you went. You had stopped at the market to give some to the honey-vendor, who always appreciated them, before turning back the direction you came. You stopped back home to pick up the basket you had made for Bard, walking in on Kieran and Otto stuffing their faces with scones and looking incredibly guilty, before continuing the walk up the hill. You were ushered in by Hakon, as usual (Bard didn’t like keeping servants, he said it made him feel “stuffy,” but a king was afforded certain privileges), and you gave him a grateful smile as he took your heavy scarf to hang up.   
“I have scones!” You entered Bard’s office, plopping the basket on his desk from which he immediately grabbed one.   
“Delicious.”   
You smiled at his praise, laughing as Bain burst through the doorway behind you.  
“Did I hear scones?” He quickly dove for the basket, grabbing two.  
“One for each hand!” He tried to justify this before shrugging and taking a bite, giving you a thumbs up.   
“I’ve got to go home, make sure Kieran and Otto aren’t in a food coma, but I’m glad you like them!”   
The king and his son nodded at you, waving goodbye as their mouths were still stuffed with a scone.  
“And save some for the girls!” You left with that, laughing at their sad faces.   
It was pleasant out, the sort of fall day you looked forward to, so you decided that Kieran and Otto could spare you for a little while, just long enough for you to take a walk on the walls of the city.   
The view of the mountain was gorgeous from here. When you had first left, you had spent hours staring, wondering if you had made a mistake by leaving. Now, you just liked to appreciate the view.  
“Want to come back?”   
You jumped, spinning to see Thorin standing behind you. You hadn’t really paused to look at him the day before, but now you noticed he looked different. Not bad, but it didn’t look as if he’d found happiness the way you had.  
He stepped forward. “Y/N. I’ve come to ask you to rejoin me in the mountain.”  
Your jaw dropped. “What? Do you want me to move in with my family? That seems like a bad idea.”  
“No, Y/N,” he took your hand and you were too surprised to remove it from his grasp, “I want you to be my queen.”  
You laughed and jerked your hand away. It wasn’t a sound of amusement, no. It sounded empty.  
Hollow.   
“We saw how well that went last time.”   
“No, Y/N. This time I mean it. Come to Erebor.”  
“I’m happy here, Thorin. I have a husband and a child.”  
“Your child can come too, and I’m sure I can do much better for you than that man!”  
Your cheeks reddened with anger as you balled up your fists, trying to restrain yourself. “I’m happy here, Thorin! I don’t need you to take me to Erebor when I have everything I could possibly want already!”  
He looked as if you had physically hit him.  
“Y/N, you deserve more than this, though! The council won’t be any trouble this time.”  
“And you think you’re the one who can give me what I deserve?” You laughed again, the hollow sound caught by the wind.  
“No, dwarf. I have everything I deserve right here and I’m not going to let you ruin it. This is my happiness, and I will be damned if I let you take that away!”  
“Y/N-”  
“No. I wasn’t worth fighting for then, I know I won’t be worth it now.”  
“But I love you, Y/N.”  
“And I loved you, once. But you’re too late.”  
He watched as you walked away for the third time, knowing that this was the last.  
You didn’t look back.  
Kieran knew something was wrong the minute you walked through the door.   
“Otto, say bye-bye to Mama and get ready to go with Sigrid!” He strode over to you and hugged you quickly before pulling away.   
“Sigrid’s going to take Otto for a few hours.”   
“Thank you, Sigrid.” You mustered a smile for her as she tugged her boots back on.   
“Of course! C’mon Otto, Bain’s waiting!” She giggled as the child trotted out of his room, looking squishy and adorable in his winter clothes.  
He ran over to you and you bent down and hugged him.   
“I love you, Mama!”   
You kissed his forehead before ushering him to Kieran, who got the same treatment before Otto trotted over to Sigrid and grabbed her hand.   
“Bye Y/N! Bye Kieran!” You lifted a hand in farewell as they left, waiting for the door to close behind them before collapsing into Kieran’s arms.  
He immediately started to murmur to you, whispering reassurances in your ear as he guided you to sit next to him. He waited for your sobs to fade before speaking.  
“What happened?”  
“I went for a- a walk on the walls and I ran into Th- Thorin,” you choked out, voice breaking when you said his name.  
You could see Kieran’s face soften in understanding.   
“Did he harm you?”  
You shook your head. “He wanted me to marry him. He…” you hesitated as you saw Kieran’s eyes spark with anger, but continued.   
“He said you weren’t good enough for me. I told him you were better than I deserved.”  
His eyes lightened again and he pressed a kiss to your cheek.   
“Do you need to talk it out?” That was one of the things you loved about Kieran, he didn’t offer solutions or try to fix all your problems, he just listened. He knew that when you had an issue, you just wanted someone to talk to, not to come up with ideas but just to support you.  
You nodded. “I just, I felt so bad for him. And I know I shouldn’t, but he just seems so lonely.”  
“Do you want to go back? He’s right, you deserve more than me.”   
Your head snapped up. “No! Kieran, why would you think that? I’m happy here. I have the perfect husband and a wonderful child, and I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world.”  
He still looked doubtful.   
“Kieran, he broke my heart five years ago, and yes, I was in love with him then, but you picked up the broken pieces and helped me heal. I’d never leave you.”   
You kissed him on the lips this time, trying to convey just how much he meant to you. “I love you,” you whispered, pulling away.   
“I love you too.” He pulled you back in for another kiss. When you broke apart you lay your head on his chest as he moved to lay down.   
“Let’s take advantage of the extra rest before Otto gets back.”  
You laughed at him and felt the rumble of his chest as his breaths deepened, watching him fall asleep. As you faded into unconsciousness, you couldn’t help but think that after all you’d been through, you were so unbelievably lucky to have found Kieran.   
Thorin had never understood what people meant when they called Erebor The Lonely Mountain. Now, walking up to the gates alone, he got it. Something was missing, something that he’d never noticed before but now felt the absence of more keenly than ever. He couldn’t believe that he had failed to win you back. He hadn’t realized just how much he had hurt you five years ago, but the pain in your eyes had made it very clear.   
“I’m sorry, Uncle.” Kili appeared next to him as he walked up to the gates.   
Thorin ignored him, ignored the salutes and waves he got from his subjects as he made a beeline for his rooms, Kili dashing around in his wake to fix the wounded pride of every dwarf he ignored.   
Once Thorin made it to his rooms he locked the door behind him, taking slight delight even through his misery at the thump meaning Kili had crashed into it, before collapsing in his chair.   
He still was in shock. No, not shock, he was devastated. It had never occurred to him that you would be happy in Dale, wouldn’t want to rule a kingdom. He had thought that he wasn’t in love with you for the better part of five years, and once he realized he still was he hadn’t thought you wouldn’t feel the same.   
A knock sounded at the door. “Please let us in, Uncle.”  
Thorin sighed and went to undo the bolts.   
Fili and Kili entered, both looking much more subdued than usual. Fili took in how Thorin’s coat was thrown on the floor, his boots tossed haphazardly in each direction and sighed.   
“What do you need?” Despite knowing how Thorin had hurt you, Kili couldn’t help but feel bad for his uncle. He had never seen Thorin like this. He looked broken.   
“I need to be alone.”  
His nephews nodded, actually obeying him for once, and slipped out the door.   
Thorin was again left alone with his thoughts. Somehow, he had realized that you had been his One. That was why he had said out to make things better. But he had failed. He had lost his One, the only person who he could ever love didn’t love him back.   
Thorin buried his head in his hands, letting out a broken sob. For the fourth time in his life, he had failed. He was too late.

**Author's Note:**

> I should probably link my honey scone recipe. I’ll get on doing that. My bad.


End file.
